are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Randomize
