He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
