My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
