I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
