Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
