after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
