She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
