No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
