hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So many bounce houses so little time
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
