he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
