guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
