I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
