Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
