Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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