fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
