in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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