I CAN MOONWALK!
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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