The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
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