I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
