Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
