When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
