Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She bit a glass in half.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
