My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
