and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
