It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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