We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
