wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
