Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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