Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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