It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
