what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
