haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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