maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
