I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
