the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
