i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
