1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
