dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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