you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Randomize
