I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
