he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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