Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
