sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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