she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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