so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
