i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
