Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
