Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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