my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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