i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
