I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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