BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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