Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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