Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
