I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
