Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
